Being new to town for me means a lot of 'taking the shortcut' to outsmart Google Maps again... and realising that Google Maps is probably more reliable, ahaha. Trying to be techno free ya know, cos "I don't need a map, man, I have a brain made for that sort of thing!" .... hmm... seems it needs a wee bit of a recalibration, hahah :P :D
It seems it doesn't matter how long I analyse a map and run through the street names in my head before riding out. I seem to like taking a new street or choosing to head the wrong direction along the right street- neither of which are overly successful in taking me to my planned destination or route.
One day back at the start of winter, I thought I'll head out on a new route and just write each turn & street on my hand to keep me on track! So easy, right!?
Yet... the above photo shows the amount of directions that were left for me to follow after holding handlebars in the rain.. :P :) ...AKA a percentage of the directions that was 0% helpful in keeping me on track and 100% gave me a reason to feel like a total noob and laugh at myself as I replanned my tactics for this newly-undirected ride, hehe.
Maybe my brain just prefers when I take the long way around? The scenic route? A tiki tour instead of a training session?
Taking the wrong way always shows me something different that I wouldn't have seen or learnt otherwise...
I am actually grateful for so many of the times getting lost, because:
1. It's a bit of a laugh as I realise how often this happens, ahaha :P
2. I find somewhere new,
3. Different views are often seen
4. Each 'erm-yep-am-lost' experience proves that a wrong turn is not deadly and sometimes even is a better way in the end.
5. If nothing else its a diversification of my local knowledge ;)
6. I learn how far I can run on 2 bottles of water and plenty of sunshine
7. Every ride that I do just get to ride the planned route feels easy-breezy cos your mental resilience has been upped from rides of open-ended time/distance, hehe ;) :D
8. It's good to laugh at yourself, acknowledge the areas where your skills lack
9. You don't really get bored whilst lost, ahahah!... I think thats a good thing?
10. It feels like in achievement when you make it home alive and (usually) smiling
So yeap basically I do recommend getting lost every now and then (maybe not as much as me, ahaha :P ). You really win in quite a few ways!
What about in life itself? Because I'm pretty sure someone famous has said 'Lifes a ride'... Is it good getting a bit lost?
Wellll... I have plenty of experience in that area of the wilderness also, hahaha #proudlyembarrasinglyexperiencedwithfeelinglost
I am a chronic overthinker. I think all. the. time. My mind is annoying, but at the same times I love being able to problem solve and bre creative.
Moving to Hamilton as well as being physically lost a lot of times (like probably daily really, hha), I had a solid block of feeling utterly lost in my life's direction.I was asking myself: Who am I? Am I meant to be here, or is it a leap of faith gone wrong? What's my value? I doing the right thing? Who is here for me to live alongside? Will I ever build up my community and life again to near the beauty of Nelson? Where should I invest effort? Is this all worth it?
I experienced depression in Nelson as a result of trying to love everyone by carrying the burdens they trusted me enough to share- I love people, but was breaking down as I was hurting for everyone and just constantly feeling I couldn't help and impart love and hope enough! Surely I had more to give, provided the amount I've been gifted in my life?! This move to Hamilton started leading me down that path again, but because I felt isolated- building new connections and community takes trust and patience (something I have not much of).
The new environment also meant I hadn't signed up to serve in any places yet, as was pacing myself... but having minimal obligations left me feeling aimless and just constantly thinking 'what should I invest in?'. "what are the needs around me?", "where am I needed", "what do I have to give"? So many questions.
I just felt lost.
I felt alone.
I felt I might be lonely for a long time.
I felt I didn't know myself anymore
I was tired
I was hollow
Lost.
But all the while I new I was lost but found. Jesus wasn't freaking about this wee glitch in my path.
In fact, most likely, it wasn't a glitch at all but a purposeful storm along the road to help me seek the right solid foundation in my life.
Where was I grasping for my stability? What was my hope founded on? Who did I think was in control? How was I going to get back on track?
I realised I was grasping, hoping, controlling and recalibrating with the wrong things.
God is all about the now and the future, and I was trying to strain to look back to what had worked for me before.
That meant I ended up grasping onto my 'healthy' eating + exercise patterns and people pleasing.
I tried to find hope in Jesus but in following Him "well" rather than loving Him fully for all He has given me and trusting what He has in store!
I was trying to be in control because you know you've got to "get a hold of yourself, man!" and sort yourself out.
I thought I knew the dreams I was given by God and invested in trying to work towards them.
I was hoping to get back on track by 'trying harder' in all areas of my life, winning things, completing things, ticking off to-do lists, doing adventures... but then I realised the answer to my last question: "Why had I become lost?"
I got lost because I can only see the path right ahead of me and so, when that is unsettled (like rough seas), then I can't see the horizon/destination any more. Please forgive all the ocean metaphors, haha...but they're just too good :P
The waves and tides begin to scare me, push me, pull me, wipe away focus, stir up my emotions and ultimately leave me grasping to any of the closest things as my lifeboat until it flattened or I slipped off or it sank... before jumping to the next.
Jesus said "God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble." - Psalm 46:1 [The Bible] and that “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” - Matthew 7:24-27 [The Bible]. The man who builds his house on the shifting sands is a fool, but building on the solid rock of faith in God keeps you up strong and gives you a solid base for the rest of your life.
I had been building on a mix of rock and straw (or grass clippings from the flat lawnmowing or something, haha) and dayum I was slipping off the messy hill... my home- my Hauora - all areas of health were dropping off the sides.
Jeeeepers! 'What am I doing?!', I thought... a lot, haha. No fun!
As I set my trust Jesus more completely and put effort into being thankful for all the things that were okay, my life was refreshed again slowly.
Jesus says, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." (Matthew 22:37) AKA all my Hauora.
I had been holding back parts of my life.
They were only small parts but I was gripping them pretty tightly!
I thought I was gripping them, but really they gripped me. More on those strongholds in another blog I reckon ;)
Has been an epic time of learning, loving, struggling, singing, depression, dancing and, all in all, realising that being lost is actually the right place to be sometimes!
Am loving what the Lord has been teaching me while I wander around "lost as, bro!" but still hoping in Him, haha.
The simple things like amazing people, rainbows on grey days, encouraging others and ticking off small things are glimpses of awesomeness amidst storms.
It's also a gift to have the ability to relate better to those struggling with mental health and physical health now too!!
Is pretty nice seeing the horizon again and smiling more again...
